How has God changed my life in the past year?
I have to start by first explaining how God has changed my life the past year and a half. Last year on celebration Sunday I was about six months new to the church still learning about Christianity and what it means to be a Christian. This year I feel I have so much to be grateful for and so much to celebrate.
Although things are not how I expected them to be, I know they are the way God wanted my life to be. It is hard to believe I am going through so much and yet I feel so happy. Along with half a million other American’s I am going through a foreclosure , financial hard ships, relationships issues, and just daily stresses of work and the family life.
When I started my journey with Christ, I was (there is no other way to say it) a straight mess. Didn’t know where to go from here but God brought new meaning and understanding to our life.
God made me realize I didn’t need a bigger more expensive house, he taught me how to appreciate the smaller townhouse we already owned.
God showed me how I don’t have money to go out and eat out, but he showed me how I can spend valuable time with my family by staying home and cooking dinner every night.
God showed me how to appreciate and pray for my husband and not to expect him to change because I can’t change him.
God also showed me the power of prayer. I pray now as much as I can or as much as I can remember. I had lots of talks with God because he made so many things possible for me. On my drives home or at night before bed, after every talk I had with God I always felt this calm joyful peace inside. .
I prayed for a new job, closer to home to spend time with my family and God made it happen. I prayed to quit smoking and have quit for over 1 year now. I can probably go on and on with all the great things God has done in my life because he truly is Great!!!
Thank you Seneca Creek for introducing me to Jesus Christ!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
I'm Waiting On You Lord
I waited several years before my husband was ready to have children, and naively went into it thinking that we would conceive immediately and life would be a big happy ending. But the months ticked by faster than I had thought they would and before I knew it a full year and then 18 months had passed. We started going through testing and while my doctor got a couple of "maybe" ideas, no real problem presented itself. Grasping at the only odd test result that came back, my doctor told me that we had a slim chance of conceiving naturally. Our only hope would be IUI or IVF. Our insurance doesn't cover infertility treatment or procedures, so everything that we do has to be paid for out-of-pocket.
We would never look down on anyone to turning to IVF, but decided that IVF just isn't for us, so it is IUI or bust. It's just a personal decision for us. Knowing that IVF will give us a 75% chance of success and IUI will only give us only a 15% chance makes this a day-by-day struggle to stand firm in my convictions; but if I believe what I believe, then we only have one choice. With fear and even new-found hope, we prepared for our first IUI procedure in April. After taking lots of medications and even giving myself an injection, the day finally came. When I opened my Franklin planner that morning the quote at the top of that day's page said:
"Being defeated is often a temporary condition,
Giving up is what makes it permenant." -- Marilyn vos Savant
With the IUI procedure done, there was nothing left to do but wait. I had lots of ups and downs. Towards the end of the wait I was very emotional. We found out two days after Mother's Day that the procedure had not worked. I was crushed. I spent three hours out in my vegetable garden crying in a way that I can only describe as violent. I wanted to shake my fist at God and demand to know what I had done that was so wrong. Why, when in a world where drug addicts become accidental mothers every day, could I not have a family of my own. I kept hearing Mark's words from a sermon earlier in the year, over and over in my head:
"If your god isn't big enough to do ______, then you need a bigger God."
But what do you do when your God is big enough, but just doesn't? It's an amazing horrible lonely feeling, when after you've spent so much time praying and reaching out in your time of need, the response is nothing but silence. And then, I stopped crying. I'm not sure why; maybe there were just no tears left. After that first failed cycle we decided that we would do a maximum of four IUI procedures before moving on to adoption because the money we use to pay for those cycles is money that we could be saving up for adoption, and I just don't know how long I can go on with the pills, injections and emotional roller coaster that characterizes infertility.
And slowly, God started to do something in me. I woke up on May 15th, 3 days after the negative result and crying fest, just like any other day. It was my day off of work so I busied myself with laundry and cleaning house. And then it happened. Those of you who are a friend of mine on Facebook saw it. I don't know what made me do it, but I posted the following status message:
"...wonders why people just don't talk about infertility -- like it's shameful or something. I had no clue how many people
I know who went through it (some successful and others not) until I had no other choice but to start venting my feelings."
And with that simple statement, I had announced to Facebook and the whole world that we were INFERTILE. The only people who have known that we were struggling with infertility were our family and a few close friends that I confided in. Most of our circle of friends and co-workers didn't know a thing. In fact, most of them were still going through life assuming we weren't going to have or didn't want children at all. It was like a big secret that I was afraid to talk to in front of anyone else because people who aren't dealing with it don't understand why it would be so hard to come to church on Mother's Day (so hard, in fact, that we didn't) or why a Pampers commercial or a baby dedication can send you flying out of a room in tears. I was amazed at the number of private messages and emails I got from others who were struggling and just wanted to be able to talk to someone else about it. Like me, they had kept it secret as well.
But God has given me the courage to finally stand up and loudly announce my presence to SCCC (and the rest of the world):
My name is Patti Spicer, and I'm struggling with infertility.
And ya know what? Talking about it hasn't fixed it, but it's made me feel better. I don't feel like I have so much anger and sadness bottled up. I don't know where my journey will end, whether through the birth of our natural child or a plane ride home from a foreign land with our "forever family" in tow, but I know that in a congregation of this size there have to be others out there who either have or are struggling just like I am. I think that's why God gave me the strength to "come out of the closet" and post that message. It's time to reach out to others who are feeling the same loss, loneliness and struggles that I am. I'd love it if you would join me out here in the nice warm sunshine.
"I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You Lord, And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You Lord, Though it is painful
But patiently I will wait.
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting, I will serve You
While I’m waiting, I will worship
While I’m waiting, I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait"
-- John Waller "While I'm Waiting"
We would never look down on anyone to turning to IVF, but decided that IVF just isn't for us, so it is IUI or bust. It's just a personal decision for us. Knowing that IVF will give us a 75% chance of success and IUI will only give us only a 15% chance makes this a day-by-day struggle to stand firm in my convictions; but if I believe what I believe, then we only have one choice. With fear and even new-found hope, we prepared for our first IUI procedure in April. After taking lots of medications and even giving myself an injection, the day finally came. When I opened my Franklin planner that morning the quote at the top of that day's page said:
"Being defeated is often a temporary condition,
Giving up is what makes it permenant." -- Marilyn vos Savant
With the IUI procedure done, there was nothing left to do but wait. I had lots of ups and downs. Towards the end of the wait I was very emotional. We found out two days after Mother's Day that the procedure had not worked. I was crushed. I spent three hours out in my vegetable garden crying in a way that I can only describe as violent. I wanted to shake my fist at God and demand to know what I had done that was so wrong. Why, when in a world where drug addicts become accidental mothers every day, could I not have a family of my own. I kept hearing Mark's words from a sermon earlier in the year, over and over in my head:
"If your god isn't big enough to do ______, then you need a bigger God."
But what do you do when your God is big enough, but just doesn't? It's an amazing horrible lonely feeling, when after you've spent so much time praying and reaching out in your time of need, the response is nothing but silence. And then, I stopped crying. I'm not sure why; maybe there were just no tears left. After that first failed cycle we decided that we would do a maximum of four IUI procedures before moving on to adoption because the money we use to pay for those cycles is money that we could be saving up for adoption, and I just don't know how long I can go on with the pills, injections and emotional roller coaster that characterizes infertility.
And slowly, God started to do something in me. I woke up on May 15th, 3 days after the negative result and crying fest, just like any other day. It was my day off of work so I busied myself with laundry and cleaning house. And then it happened. Those of you who are a friend of mine on Facebook saw it. I don't know what made me do it, but I posted the following status message:
"...wonders why people just don't talk about infertility -- like it's shameful or something. I had no clue how many people
I know who went through it (some successful and others not) until I had no other choice but to start venting my feelings."
And with that simple statement, I had announced to Facebook and the whole world that we were INFERTILE. The only people who have known that we were struggling with infertility were our family and a few close friends that I confided in. Most of our circle of friends and co-workers didn't know a thing. In fact, most of them were still going through life assuming we weren't going to have or didn't want children at all. It was like a big secret that I was afraid to talk to in front of anyone else because people who aren't dealing with it don't understand why it would be so hard to come to church on Mother's Day (so hard, in fact, that we didn't) or why a Pampers commercial or a baby dedication can send you flying out of a room in tears. I was amazed at the number of private messages and emails I got from others who were struggling and just wanted to be able to talk to someone else about it. Like me, they had kept it secret as well.
But God has given me the courage to finally stand up and loudly announce my presence to SCCC (and the rest of the world):
My name is Patti Spicer, and I'm struggling with infertility.
And ya know what? Talking about it hasn't fixed it, but it's made me feel better. I don't feel like I have so much anger and sadness bottled up. I don't know where my journey will end, whether through the birth of our natural child or a plane ride home from a foreign land with our "forever family" in tow, but I know that in a congregation of this size there have to be others out there who either have or are struggling just like I am. I think that's why God gave me the strength to "come out of the closet" and post that message. It's time to reach out to others who are feeling the same loss, loneliness and struggles that I am. I'd love it if you would join me out here in the nice warm sunshine.
"I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You Lord, And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You Lord, Though it is painful
But patiently I will wait.
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting, I will serve You
While I’m waiting, I will worship
While I’m waiting, I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait"
-- John Waller "While I'm Waiting"
God Keeps Laying It In Front Of Us...
Our family has run a food bank from our home near Urbana for 17 years. We currently serve 50 families. Through God's mercy, we now have 8 local churches that participate by donating food on a monthly basis. Another local church has recently opened a Children's Clothing Closet for distribution of free clothing to families in need. This ministry continues to lift and encourage people struggling to make ends meet. God continues to lay at our feet the people who need help and the community members and organizations to provide for those families. It all stopped being about US a long time ago. Unless you've ever had this happen...you don't understand. God just puts people and situations in our path and shows us what needs to be done. We know now to be open and we wait and watch for our next assignment.
Cancer's not ALL bad!
A breast cancer diagnosis is devastating for the patient, her families and friends.
But, I'm an almost 2 yr survivor here to say that cancer's not all bad.
When you get news like this the ENEMY tries to make you doubt your God. But, after a few scary days following my diagnosis, a friend directed me to the book of Matthew... the part that reminded me that I have a God who can MOVE MOUNTAINS! Reading and re-reading that helped get me into God's holy word. I did intense bible studies on the names of God and discovered Jehovah Repheka....THE GOD WHO HEALS! I did other studies on strength and prayer. I immersed myself in God. I couldn't get enough of him or his words....his promises! From the day of my biopsy, where I took a Christian music CD and headphones, amazing things started happening. One of the nurses in the room asked what I brought. I told her. After a brief quiet moment, the room was BUZZING with talk of God, Christ, Women of Faith and more. I KNEW at that moment that I was in the Right place. All the hands from that moment on in my cancer journey were HEALING HANDS! The outpouring of care and love from my community was amazing, too. Relationships grew deeper. The small stuff no longer matters. God had a plan and through breast cancer He made it happen! I am now a licensed and ordained Chaplain and am beginning a ministry with newly diagnosed cancer patients. I have learned that God always keeps his promises and his plan will always be fulfilled!
But, I'm an almost 2 yr survivor here to say that cancer's not all bad.
When you get news like this the ENEMY tries to make you doubt your God. But, after a few scary days following my diagnosis, a friend directed me to the book of Matthew... the part that reminded me that I have a God who can MOVE MOUNTAINS! Reading and re-reading that helped get me into God's holy word. I did intense bible studies on the names of God and discovered Jehovah Repheka....THE GOD WHO HEALS! I did other studies on strength and prayer. I immersed myself in God. I couldn't get enough of him or his words....his promises! From the day of my biopsy, where I took a Christian music CD and headphones, amazing things started happening. One of the nurses in the room asked what I brought. I told her. After a brief quiet moment, the room was BUZZING with talk of God, Christ, Women of Faith and more. I KNEW at that moment that I was in the Right place. All the hands from that moment on in my cancer journey were HEALING HANDS! The outpouring of care and love from my community was amazing, too. Relationships grew deeper. The small stuff no longer matters. God had a plan and through breast cancer He made it happen! I am now a licensed and ordained Chaplain and am beginning a ministry with newly diagnosed cancer patients. I have learned that God always keeps his promises and his plan will always be fulfilled!
I can't imagine my life without faith
I don't even know where to start. God has been with me all my life, but especially the past five years through many happy occasions, and also a few sad ones.
He first blessed me five years ago with the wonderful man I am married to today. He is a man that has the same great traits my mother had, among them patience, which is what is most needed to be married to me. A year after we were married, we were blessed with our first son. We enjoyed two wonderful years and found out we were expecting again. Sadly, that pregnancy ended with a stillborn at 20 weeks. That was an extremely difficult time, but God was there with us to help get us through it.
About a year after that we were blessed with a second son who brings great joy to our family. Unexpectedly, we found out we were expecting a few months later, which ended in a miscarriage. That was a difficult time as well, but God knows what is meant to be.
Then, in September 2008 I started having migraines and after an MRI found out I had a brain tumor. That was the most devasting news. I could not imagine what was going to happen, if I would even still be here to take care of my family.
I had brain surgery December 17, 2008 and was home recuperating for the Christmas break. Unfortunately, a month later I developed a horrible infection and had to go back in the hospital for a week to receive heavy-duty IV antibiotics. I went home and was on IV antibiotics for two weeks, but the infection came back again after a month. I was put on another round of antibiotics and the infection finally went away completely.
Fast forward to now, and I am completely better. No one can even tell that I've been through brain surgery. Not only that, but my husband and I are expecting again. God has blessed us in so many ways and has been there with us when the going got tough. I can't imagine my life without my faith in God. We haven't always been able to make it to church with my health issues lately, but we are always praying and teaching our children the Christian faith.
He first blessed me five years ago with the wonderful man I am married to today. He is a man that has the same great traits my mother had, among them patience, which is what is most needed to be married to me. A year after we were married, we were blessed with our first son. We enjoyed two wonderful years and found out we were expecting again. Sadly, that pregnancy ended with a stillborn at 20 weeks. That was an extremely difficult time, but God was there with us to help get us through it.
About a year after that we were blessed with a second son who brings great joy to our family. Unexpectedly, we found out we were expecting a few months later, which ended in a miscarriage. That was a difficult time as well, but God knows what is meant to be.
Then, in September 2008 I started having migraines and after an MRI found out I had a brain tumor. That was the most devasting news. I could not imagine what was going to happen, if I would even still be here to take care of my family.
I had brain surgery December 17, 2008 and was home recuperating for the Christmas break. Unfortunately, a month later I developed a horrible infection and had to go back in the hospital for a week to receive heavy-duty IV antibiotics. I went home and was on IV antibiotics for two weeks, but the infection came back again after a month. I was put on another round of antibiotics and the infection finally went away completely.
Fast forward to now, and I am completely better. No one can even tell that I've been through brain surgery. Not only that, but my husband and I are expecting again. God has blessed us in so many ways and has been there with us when the going got tough. I can't imagine my life without my faith in God. We haven't always been able to make it to church with my health issues lately, but we are always praying and teaching our children the Christian faith.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
God Continues to Provide
God has once again provided for us to take our daughter to Florida for her 3rd summer of intensive therapy. Even during these uncertain economic times God has demonstrated to us the love for his people and the love of our church family at Seneca Creek. The amount raised through the Little Angel Benefit made a huge dent in her summer therapy expenses. This would not have been possible without our church family donating their own time, possessions, and efforts for our daughter’s event. We are truly blessed to be part of such a giving and caring church. We are so excited to see her gains in strength and balance through the program this summer.
It's All About Relationships
I find it difficult to sum up what God has done in my life this past year because he has done so many incredible things. I thought the best way for me to recount all God has done would be to review my journal. What I discovered was the countless opportunities God brought into my life.
Opportunities to invest in the lives of others. To encourage, to provide or meet a need, to pray for, to listen to, to cry with, to laugh with, to be prepared to give the reason for my hope to those God orchestrated to become a part of my journey.
Opportunities to grow in my relationship with Him through the study of HIS word and taking that head knowledge and orchestrating circumstances in my life so that it would become heart knowledge. Teaching me how to apply his word to my every day life.
Opportunities to receive encouragement and support from others that God placed in my life at just the right time to help me during some very challenging times.
I guess if I had to try to sum it up I would have to say that God has been all about relationships this past year, my relationship with him first and foremost and my relationships with others. It has been a rewarding year of building a stronger relationship with Jesus and in turn others because of the work he has done in me.
Opportunities to invest in the lives of others. To encourage, to provide or meet a need, to pray for, to listen to, to cry with, to laugh with, to be prepared to give the reason for my hope to those God orchestrated to become a part of my journey.
Opportunities to grow in my relationship with Him through the study of HIS word and taking that head knowledge and orchestrating circumstances in my life so that it would become heart knowledge. Teaching me how to apply his word to my every day life.
Opportunities to receive encouragement and support from others that God placed in my life at just the right time to help me during some very challenging times.
I guess if I had to try to sum it up I would have to say that God has been all about relationships this past year, my relationship with him first and foremost and my relationships with others. It has been a rewarding year of building a stronger relationship with Jesus and in turn others because of the work he has done in me.
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