My Faith Story

Since I was about 13 years old I have suffered from hideously low self-esteem and severe depression. At times I would miss weeks of school and try to eat my way through the dark moments. But even in my darkest hours I never lost the hope of Christ.

When I was really depressed I shut everyone out, including my friends and God. I missed so many important rights of passage because I was afraid and my fear resulted in depression. I dropped out of high school - I didn’t finish college, and I lost many good job opportunities as a result.

My faith has yo-yoed with my depression. When I allowed God in, He gave me the strength to pull out of myself. When I shut Him out, all I had was my fears.

This battle has continued throughout my adult life taking the form of binge eating, spending and poor relationships. God has always been with me but I didn’t always let Him in.

As I’ve grown stronger and wiser in my faith, I’ve been able to let God in more and more. Today my life is stable and it’s a result of the strength I’ve gained through my consistent faith.

I finally have an open door policy with God. That is not to say that I don’t meddle with my life, but I’m quicker to recognize it and return it to His capable hands. Sometimes this is moment by moment.

Here are two scriptures that I have always drawn strength from and found them to be reassuring.

Isaiah 41:10 Have no fear, for I am with you; be not afraid, for I am your God. I shall strengthen you and give you help and uphold you with my victorious right hand.

Psalm 56:3-4 When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?

Today I long to be a joyous person of faith. I pray that God will make me a fearless Christian. I will continue to work at this prayerfully growing nearer and nearer to Christ each day.